Why I’m Single - I Kept The Guys Identities Sealed
For all 23 years of my life I’ve been single, and I haven’t been on very many dates and while I recognize it is a bit odd, what’s even more odd is the amount of times I’ve been asked why.
First off, I feel the need to state that however you define your relationship, it is a relationship. Whether that’s marriage, open, fwb, engaged, dating, talking, whatever you label it or don’t label it, it is yours. With that being said, I do think that there is a special relationship for those who exclusively date and vow to love each other to the death, and I do at some point in my life see that happening.
Since I believe in this, you would think I’d be out searching for my other half, soulmate, whatever, but I’m not. In fact I’ve liked 3, maybe 4 (if you count him), guys in my life, but still have never thought a relationship would be my thing at that time in my life.
The first guy I ever remotely liked enough to think of that way was when I was fifteen and that lasted until I was eighteen-nineteen, but it was just me being stupid and naive to a guy. FYI, not blaming him, he was an ass, but I was more of an ass for allowing it to go on for so long.
Second guy I ever really liked was my best friend. He would’ve been the closest I’ve come to being in a relationship. There was even talk of something happening, but in retrospect he was like fifteen years older than me, so let’s be real, especially since I was nineteen. It was never go to pan out.
Third guy I really liked was a pretty cool guy and it took me a while to realize it wasn’t happening. He was always traveling and while I visited wherever he was, that’s all it was. I was his convenient friend that he wanted around when he was lonely and bored and I was okay with it because I enjoyed his company.
The maybe fourth guy was a guy who I slightly obsessed over for a couple months, but I’m pretty sure it was just the whole bad boy going down the wrong path thing that had me into him. No actual connection or anything.
So, fast forward to now and I realize that the one thing all of these guys had in common was the fact that they never wanted anything serious with me and any other guy who did, I never gave the chance to. At first I thought it was because I liked challenges and projects, but I’m starting to realize it’s because I’m not ready so I go after guys that I know nothing will actually happen because there’s no risk.
I already know the outcome of each of these “relationships” and there’s no way that I’ll actually end up in something real and lasting.
I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m still trying to figure out what makes me happy, so how can I possibly think that someone else would know how to? I would confuse the hell out of them.
Plus, I’m twenty-three and you’re supposed to tell me that I’m going to meet someone right now that will make me not want to meet anyone else and discover what could be with them? There’s no way.
Lastly, more than anything I love myself and I want to succeed and be in a good place, so that way when I do meet that guy, I won’t be settling. I’ll be bringing to the table what I want him to bring to the table and we’ll continue to learn and grow together as best friends.
So, that is WHY I am single, have been single and will continue to be single until I feel like I a ready to be in a healthy, loving, mature relationship with my actual BFFL.
In the meantime I’m going to continue having fun and let life happen.