A Bunch Of Drunk Old People Made Me Have An Epiphany

**All names have been changed for confidentiality purposes. 

Let me clarify that I'm not that cool, I don't hang out with famous people or anything, but I gave my word that I would change the names of people who wish to remain anonymous for their own reasons, so I'm following through with that. 

Before I get into my story, let me tell you that I've been bike riding every day besides on the days when a monsoon comes because I just don't think I'd be a fan of biking in the rain. (Note to self: try this though, because you just never know). Also, if you remember, I was trying to grow some flowers in a super fab pot that I painted and I wanted to let you guys know that nothing has happened with them. I mean, not shit, not even one tiny little sprout. Like I'm pretty sure the seeds are just chilling in the potting soil somewhere, and I don't know where because they're too damn tiny for me to see anything. I gave them love, I played music for them and watered them, but I still just keep looking at a pot of dirt. (Yes, I'm calling it dirt, it looks like dirt). I'm going to give it one more week and then I'm tossing it and trying a different plant. 

Anyways, now I can get into my story. So, I went on vacation this past week with some people (see my anonymity there) and had a blast, but besides the fun I had, I also experienced an epiphany. Like one of those moments where things just click and it feels amazing. 

So, I'm going to be totally honest with you guys and admit that about 95% of the time I feel like I'm a total failure who is just floundering about life lost as hell. I am really hard on myself too. I constantly feel like I'm never good enough (PAUSE -- just in case any other females are reading this -- this part of me does not apply to guys, so if you feel this way when it comes to guys you remember this: you are beautiful because you are a woman. You kick ass and are never not good enough for a guy -- PLAY). I feel like I don't write as well as I should, I feel like I drink too much, I feel like I should just be better at everything, which is kind of why I started doing this whole experiment in the first place, and while I do have my flaws and there are things I do need to work on, the people on this vacation helped me realize that I'm okay and I'm not a failure. 

These women and men I was with are all older than me, some were married, some divorced, some had kids, some didn't, some were arguing, some were kissing, all were drinking and all were laughing. One woman, we'll call her Janie talked about how she was still trying to figure out her life and career and I don't know her exact age, but I'm thinking somewhere between 36 and 45. She had just moved and moved back home, she started a job and is now doing another job, she's figured everything out too. Another, Annie, was married and arguing with her husband, so she drank a lot of vodka and discussed her issues. Rhonda was kicking ass at being mom, making mac and cheese and hot dogs for the kids, making sure they got to go to the waterpark and arcade all the while doing this and drinking and having fun with her friends not giving two shits if she wasn't what society thought a "mom" should be like. 

The point is, all of these women are happy and living a really good life. I wouldn't consider them failures and they still don't know exactly what they're doing and they're double my age, so why would I consider myself a failure? 

So, as I was laying on the beach taking in the entire weekend and they were recovering from their hangovers, I realized that it's okay; that I'm okay. I'm not a failure. I don't suck at life or anything like that. I'm going to be okay as long as I keep working on myself, working towards my goals and being happy. I'm not going to succeed at everything I do and that doesn't mean I've failed at life, it just means I need to try again or move on and do something else. 

With that being said, I want to thank the awesome group of people I was with for my first RV camping experience, it was a total blast and as long as I always have friends with RV's I will go camping (way too much work for me to ever own my own RV). 

And a a huge thank you for making me realize that I haven’t failed, I’ve only been a human trying to figure out life just like everyone else and as long as I’m always happy and trying, I’ll be okay.